New Post! Finally!

Finally a new post! Ever since my appendectomy about a month ago my life has stagnated severely. I blame school, but I'm not sure how deserved that is. Oh well. I actually wrote this a while ago as a homework assignment. I didn't really get the point of the assignment, but I had a lot of fun writing this, and I hope you'll have a lot of fun reading it. This is a look inside my mind. These aren't my real thoughts, but sometimes this is what it feels like living as me. I hope you enjoy:

Rubber Gloves. And Lysol.

Three windows. A hairpiece. Seven eggs. Two loaves of bread. Meat. A dustpan. Never sneeze into pudding. Gravity is a constant, except when dealing with minute objects. Two buckets. Never mix cleaning agents. A mop. No brooms. Brooms leave scratches. One garbage can for every room. It’s simply practical. A wardrobe. A refrigerator with wheels. Two beds. Two bedrooms. One inhabitant. Bedding for each bed, plus extras just in case. Closet for clothing. Closet for storage. Extra bedding and winter clothes kept in storage unless needed. Two telephones, one in bedroom, one in kitchen. Most accidents happen in the kitchen. Living room unneeded. Television in bedroom. Laptop computer for versatility. No desktop. Sofa in living room, but maintain cushion stiffness. Clock in living room set fifteen minutes fast. No other clocks in house except phone and microwave. Answering machine for screening calls. No cell phones. Cell phone use increases radiation which increases cancer. Turn off all machines when not in use. Limit machine use to twice per day. Any more is unnecessary. Science is correct. Diseases do not wish to kill, but may do so anyway. Disinfect house daily, more frequently if necessary. Disinfection is necessary. Toilets are a necessary evil, as are robots. A proper house has two toilets. One is for personal use, and guests should never see it. Plungers are required next to every toilet. To fail in this regard is irresponsible and irrational. Spiders should not be seen or heard. Pets are an abomination. Eight rolls of toilet paper per bathroom. Four roles of paper towels. Four clean washcloths kept in the kitchen. Dish washers are redundant. Three types of soap is appropriately cautious. Any more is showing off. Dishes should be cleaned immediately after sullyment. Independent study is a gift of God. Blogging is the most reasonable of all online social interaction. Do not overestimate the power of idiots. Two men. Two tall men. One hairpiece. Twenty dirty fingers. One case of bad breath. Two brown suits. Two hats. Two smiles. One product. Robot. Cleaning robot. Automatic vacuum. Vacuums are a necessary evil. Incinerators work best. Two boxes of Kleenex. A new face mask every day. Plumbers are not to be trusted. However, better to live with plumbing than cholera. Bald robotic vacuum salesmen shouldn’t be allowed in the house. Robotic vacuum salesmen are named Roger Hammersmith. Twelve sales is a good number. Thirteen is optimal. Thirteen is significant. It portends good things or bad. Luck is a state of mind. Ghosts are not real. Germs are the real terror. Vacuum salesmen carry germs as well as robots. Robots do not get sick, but may still carry germs. The only solution is rubber gloves. And Lysol.