Jason: Damn it to hell! What the fuck is wrong now?!!! I just spent a thousand fucking dollars getting the dumb ass car to work! It can’t be fucking broken!!
Shirley: Well, should we call somebody?
Jason: No. Let me look at it first.
(Jason gets out of the car and opens up the hood, Shirley gets out her phone and looks up a number)
Shirley: I’m really sorry about this guys. He really should learn to control his temper.
Paul: It’s okay. Do you think he needs help?
Shirley: Why? Are you a doctor?
Paul: No. I meant, with the engine.
Shirley: Probably. He doesn’t know anything about engines. He can change a tire, but that’s it.
Martha: Really? Well Paul knows all about engines. He can definitely help him out.
(Paul starts to get out)
Shirley: I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.
(door shuts, Paul is out of the car)
Martha: Don’t worry. Paul will fix whatever’s wrong and Jason will feel better.
Shirley: I doubt that.
Martha: Why?
Shirley: Jason got out pretending to know about engines. What does that tell us about him?
Martha: He’s just a guy. Guys think they know everything.
Shirley: No. He knows he doesn’t know anything about engines. He’s not trying to fix anything. He’s trying to
save face. Normally he’d get back in after about 5 minutes and say he couldn’t see anything and we’d call someone and it’d get fixed with Jason feeling like we all think he did everything he could. With Paul out there actually knowing about engines it’ll just make Jason feel stupid and he’ll be in a sour mood all the way to Albuquerque.
Martha: No. He’ll just be happy that it’s fixed. You’ll see. Paul will fix everything.
Outside of the car
Jason: So, I’m thinking it might be the carburetor, but I really can’t get down there to see it right now.
Paul: Yeah, you might be right. Although…hmm…so it’s just overheating, right?
Jason: Looks like, but you know it won’t start at all so maybe it’s something with the starter.
Paul: Could be, but it does make a starting sound. I think you’re best bet is the battery.
Jason: No, if it was the battery nothing would work.
(Stare at the engine for a few seconds mumbling)
Paul: Maybe the battery only works a little.
Jason: I’ve never heard of that.
Paul: Oh yeah. Sometimes it’ll turn on the radio and stuff, but won’t start the car.
Jason: But that doesn’t explain the steam.
Paul: Well that’s probably the intake valve.
Jason: I hope not. That’ll cost too much to replace and I just spent a bunch of money on this.
Paul: Yeah. Those valves go for about 100 bucks if you can find a cheap one. You might be able to find one
at a junkyard for around 50.
Jason: I don’t think that’s it though. I really think the carburetor needs more oil.
Paul: Yeah? When was the last time you put some in?
Jason: Well I just got an oil change last week, but maybe they forgot about that.
Paul: You should check your manifold.
Back in car
(Shirley is wrapping up a conversation with AAA)
Martha: You know this happened to us on our honeymoon, and Paul bless his heart was out there for hours
trying to fix the thing.
Shirley: Yeah. Uh huh. Thank you very much. Good bye.
Martha: It turned out to be something with one of the filters. I hope it doesn’t take so long this time.
Shirley: Well the AAA guy is on the way. Once he gets here we’ll be able to figure out what to do.
Martha: Oh I’ll bet Paul’s already working on whatever’s wrong. He really is so handy.
Shirley: Did you say one of the filters?
Martha: What?
Shirley: I didn’t catch the whole story you told. Did you say it turned out to be one of the filters?
Martha: Oh. Yes I did. I hope there’s nothing wrong with your filters.
Shirley: Be nice if that was it.
Martha: Oh no, you don’t want that. Those things are in the most inconvenient, hard to get place. All the way underneath the back of the car.
Shirley: How do you know that?
Martha: Paul told me. He tried explaining how it all worked, but I didn’t understand it. He’s so smart you know and it just comes so easy to him.
Shirley: Uh huh... Well…uh…hmm.
(Opens door and yells to the boys)
Hey, I called AAA. They said a guy will be here in about 30 minutes. Why don’t you come wait with us in the car?
Boys: Alright. Sure.
(boys get back in car)
Martha: So did you see what’s wrong with it?
Paul: No. It’s probably the pistons.
Martha: Oh. Well at least it’s not the filter. I never want to have a bad filter again.
Paul: No, it’s probably not the filter, thank goodness.
Shirley: (to Jason) I’m sorry honey. It sucks doesn’t it.
Jason: I just don’t get it. I fixed everything before we left. I spent a thousand bucks getting things fixed. This just shouldn’t happen.
Shirley: Well maybe it’ll be an easy fix. We’ll know when the AAA guy gets here.
Jason: Yeah maybe. I’m sorry for losing my temper. I’m just so frustrated.
Shirley: It’s okay. I love you dear.
Jason: I love you too.
Paul: (to Martha) Yeah it doesn’t look good. Probably cost the poor guy a load of money to fix. I should
have insisted on bringing the jeep.
Martha: Why didn’t we?
Paul: Gas money. Jason said we oughta take his car ‘cause it’d be cheaper. I feel for the guy.
Martha: I do too. It’s a blessing he has a good friend like you here to help him out though.
Paul: Well I do what I can.
(Nobody says anything for a while, radio plays; every now and then someone sings a snatch of the song)
I think you capture well the transition from single to married, kid to grown up and the sense of male bravado that inevitably and comedically looms over all things mechanical.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate that. I'm glad I was able to get those things right. It would be really embarrassing if I didn't seeing as that's my life right now.
ReplyDeleteHa ha ha - just laughing at the story. So very very true of not just male, but human interaction. Good one!
ReplyDeleteBrilliant! You're obviously a guy who knows exactly how most guys' minds work. :D
ReplyDelete